Panty bits are flying everywhere and crotch cream now covers 72% of the earth’s surface, because ‘N Sync are on Twatter now and Chris Kirkpatrick will give a long-awaited comeback performance (featuring Joey Fatone, Lance Bass, JC Chasez and the other one) on the VMAs tonight. All this shit about ‘N Sync has made me remember one of the most important and special boy bands of the 90s: Youngstown.
Youngstown was named after their hometown of Youngstown, Ohio and they were made up of Sam Lopez, James Dallas and David “DC” Yeager. Just like rainbows, orgasms and the flavor in gum, Youngstown was a magical thing that only lasted around three seconds. Their first single “I’ll Be Your Everything” came out in 1999 and it was on the Inspector Gadget soundtrack. They had a few singles after that, but then they disappeared and their faces ended up on milks cartons everywhere in 2001. The world was just not ready for a trio of humanized Cool Water bottles with matching manicured brows, landing strip goatees, hair like a porcupine drowning in L.A. Looks gel and a wardrobe provided by Structure and the CK Outlet.
‘N Sync could never bring it like this:
These lyrics should really go into a book of poetry from the 90s:
You can call me when you want me, if you need a friend you got me
I’ll be your everything, fulfill your every dream
We can do it automatic, I can freak you with my gadget
I’ll be your everything,
You’ll see I’m everything you want and more
I fully expect MTV to reunite Youngstown (aka a boy band that REALLY matters) at next year’s VMAs.