Paula Deen Lawsuit Dismissed (UPDATE)

August 23, 2013 / Posted by:

UPDATE: CNN says that there may have been a settlement and Paula may have paid off Lisa, but it’s not clear. So if you see Paula buying generic brand butter at the grocery store, you now know why.

Over a week ago, a judge said that Paula Deen’s former restaurant manager Lisa Jackson couldn’t sue the Baroness of Butter for racial discrimination against black people, because she’s not black. At the time, Paula couldn’t completely scream, “Butter power prevails!“, because the judge didn’t throw out Lisa’s sexual harassment charges against Paula’s brother Bubba (it’s always a fucking Bubba). But now Paula can climb on top of the rubble where her deep fried kingdom of lard used to be and celebrate, because the entire lawsuit has been dismissed.

AP says that Lisa’s lawyers and Paula’s lawyers both agreed to drop the lawsuit in beer batter, fry it up and feed it to Bubba. Both lawyers said that no money exchanged hands, so Paula didn’t have to cut Jellyroll’s salary to pay off Lisa. There was no settlement and The lawsuit can’t be filed again. A judge still has to sign off on it. Lisa released this statement:

“I assumed that all of my complaints about the workplace environment were getting to Paula Deen, but I learned during this matter that this was not the case. The Paula Deen I have known for more than eight years is a woman of compassion and kindness and will never tolerate discrimination or racism of any kind toward anyone. I now know that the workplace environment issues that I raised are being reviewed and will in the future no longer be at issue.”

In other words, Lisa realized that her entire lawsuit was going to get thrown into the shredder and she didn’t want Paula to countersue the shit out of her, so now she’s playing nice and licking every part of Paula’s ass. Or Paula sent Jellyroll to drop a bag of money on Lisa’s porch to make this all go away and Lisa took it and then released that bullshit statement. Paula released her own statement:

“I am looking forward to getting this behind me, now that the remaining claims have been resolved. During this time my faith has strengthened me and the tremendous outpouring of support as well as prayers from folks from all walks of life has been both humbling and overwhelming.I am confident that those who truly know how I live my life know that I believe in kindness and fairness for everyone.”

In other words, Paula will see that heffa in the whites only section in hell for ruining her life.

And if you gazed into the eyes of that picture when it loaded, you probably didn’t read a word I typed, because Paula Deen’s crazy eyes and crazy teefs hypnotized you and now you’re building a statue of her in your front yard using all the butter. Maybe Paula threatened Lisa by promising to crawl up into her bed every morning and wake her up with that face if she didn’t drop the lawsuit. That’s a face that’ll scare you into the Civil War times. That’s what Paula wants!

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