During her 90 days in rehab, Oprah’s adopted child Lindsay Lohan supposedly made two lists: one list with all the life-sucking leeches and enablers on it and the other list with the all the good influences in her life on it. You’d think that the only person on the “good” list would Nana Lohan. But apparently, a bunch of messes also made the “keep” list including Michael Lohan, White Oprah and the sugar daddy who got arrested in Florida for trying to smuggle the bad shit in his chonies.
LiLo belatedly celebrated her 27th birthday at ABC Kitchen in NYC last night and her hotelier sugar daddy Vikram Chatwal came along for the foolery. Whatever, I’m sure they’ve both really, really changed. Vikram is totally sober and isn’t making dumb decisions like smuggling drugs in his panties onto a plane (he smuggles them in his asshole now, the way every smart drug mule does). And 15-time coke user LiLo says she’s as sober as a fetus, so they’re just two sober friends soberly hanging out together.
But if I was sober and looked down at that giant scorpion tattoo on Vikram’s arm, I’d immediately put him on the “cut” list, because you’d have to get plastered to deal with that shit.
And in other news, what in the name of a “90s call girl who killed her john, put on his shirt, crawled out of a hotel window and is running from the police” is this bitch wearing?