Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 21, 2013 / Posted by:

The fiber optic spray lamp, the most elegant and sophisticated part of any room.

I don’t know how the fiber optic lamp came to be. I’m guessing that Richard Simmons and a pack of wild Lisa Frank unicorns had an orgy behind a bunch of spider plants. And after all was said and jizzed and they came all over those spider plants, the fiber optic spray lamp was born. That’s how it happened and you can’t tell me otherwise.

The fiber optic lamp seemed to be everywhere in the 80s and early 90s. They were sold at fine establishments like Spencer’s Gifts and your local swap meet. They were like the lava lamp’s cultured older cousin who went abroad (aka Canada) for college and came back with highlights and a fancy accent. My friend’s grandma had at least three of these in her “nice” living room and she acted like those things were the Hope Diamond. She’d always tell me that I could look and not touch, and I’m pretty sure she had at least two armed guards standing next to each one. I don’t blame her. The fiber optic lamp is an opulent piece of fine decor and she wasn’t going to let some brat like me break it.

When you have a lamp that looks like fireworks or like a Liberace wet fart frozen in time, you cherish that shit and hiss at any brat who gets near it.

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