“Short, long, straight or curly?” isn’t just a question you ask yourself every time you’re about to wash, cut and style your pubes. It’s also the lyrics to the soon-to-be worldwide #1 on iTunes, multiple Grammy-winning song “Hair Do” from Richard Simmons.
As the Little Monsters and the Katycats fight over which one of their queens is going to claim the throne (yes, I am technically an adult human and I wrote that sentence), the pop dandelion Richard Simmons is casually skipping up the rainbow to the top of the charts! Richard Simmons queefed out the lyric video for “Hair Do” and it’s like a lost level on Rainbow Island (I can’t believe I remember that video game).
I can’t even remember the choruses to “Meow” and “Applesauce,” but I know that the award-winning lyrics “short, long, straight curleeee” are forever embedded into my brain and in 40 years, I won’t remember shit, but I will remember that lyric.
And Nicki Minaj can retire permanently, because Richard Simmons is the now the new Princess of Rap.