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August 18, 2013 / Posted by:

Zurich’s new drive-in sex boxes!

Starting on August 26th, hookers in Zurich will be able to sell their boxes to johns while in the safety of a drive-in sex box complete with an amazing sign graphic. Romance IS getting a beej from a Zurich hooker in a drive-in sex box while staring at a giant STOP AIDS poster.

The Telegraph says that the government is trying to regulate prostitution and keep pussy peddlers safe, so they built 9 fuck stables in an industrial zone in the west part of Zurich. From early evening to 5am everyday, johns can drive up a clearly marked road (they’ll probably call that road “Pussy Row” or “Leased Lovers Lane”) and find up to 40 hookers waiting for them. The john and the coochie merchant will negotiate a price, she’ll get into his car, they’ll drive into one of the sex boxes and then his peen will drive into her box. If the john starts acting foolish and the hooker feels like shit is about to go down, there’s a safety button in each sex stable for her to press.

Just like any other respectable drive-thru, no walks up are allowed! Only johns in cars can buy ass. Any john who tries to lease coochie outside of a sex zone will be fined. Even though prostitution whoring is legal in Switzerland, the pimps (who probably look like this) are still a major problem. A rep from Zurich’s social welfare department said:

“We want to regulate prostitution because until now it was the law of the jungle. It was the pimps who decided the prices, for instance. We are trying to reach a situation which is better for the prostitutes themselves, for their health and security and also for people who live in Zurich.”

I love this, because I redefine lazy every single day, I never like to get out of my car and I love drive-thru EVERYTHING. But I am a little ashamed to be an American today. How in the hell did ‘Murica, the holy land of drive-thrus, not come up with this first? We have drive-thru sex toy shops, but where are our drive-in fuck shops? Nevada should’ve perfected the art of selling drive-in ass by now. In America, you should be able to buy ass with a side of bacon-stuffed fries. Shameful!

I’m going to think of Zurich’s drive-in sex boxes every time I go to the In-N-Out drive-thru and they ask me if I’m going to eat it in the car.

And if Zurich needs somebody to clean up the used condoms and cum rags off the ground, Chris Brown is available and he has a lot of community service hours he needs to complete.

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