Teresa Giudice Is Trying To Keep Her Greedy Hairline And Threehead Out Of Prison

August 15, 2013 / Posted by:

The future stars of The Real Grifters of Cell Block C were in court again yesterday to plead not guilty to not filing taxes, scamming a bunch of banks and lying to the bankruptcy court. Juicy Joe and Teresa Giudice should be lubing up all their parts and spreading thick layers of numbing cream on their b-holes, because they’re about to get fucked hard by the feds and it’s not going to be pretty. Not-So-Mighty-Joe-Young and Teresa were indicted on 39 counts and they each face up to 50 years in the clink. Radar says that Teresa is not ready to cover her orange skin with an orange jumpsuit just yet and right before court yesterday, her lawyers threw a plea deal in front of prosecutors.

A source says that in the plea deal, Juicy Joe offered to do prison time as long as Teresa doesn’t have to set one hoof in a prison cell. Teresa told prosecutors that she’ll do anything and everything to keep her ass out of jail. Prosecutors then told Teresa that she won’t have to go to jail if she takes a sip of her own sparkling diarrhea wine called Barfellini. Teresa threw them a look and said that she’ll do anything ANYTHING but that. The prosecutors grabbed the plea deal, wiped their asses with it and threw it in her face. NO DEAL! Radar’s source put it like this:

“Teresa and Joe’s defense team submitted a plea deal on Wednesday but the US Attorney denied it. Teresa wanted a plea deal that keeps her out of jail so she offered to do anything else BUT jail time and have Joe serve all of the time in jail. The prosecutor dismissed the deal outright. The prosecutor has said that if she wants to plead it out she has to do jail time. hey believe that the evidence will show that Teresa can’t play dumb. She was in cahoots with Joe and was just as much a part of orchestrating the scam as he was.”

CAHOOTS!

Teresa should realize that she’s ten different kinds of screwed and needs to focus on picking out the perfect accessories to go with her orange jumpsuit and she needs to figure out how she’s going to make her family lasagna out of saltines, government cheese and mouse meat. She also needs to use whatever is left of her brain to come up with a prison name. I’m thinking Threehead Tre or La Gorilla Head.

But I will give Teresa some credit. She obviously knows that she’s broke, because yesterday she recycled an outfit by wearing the dress she wore to her junior prom in 1988. Kudos for that, Tre! Here’s more of Teresa and her terrifying sumo wrestler hair at a book signing at Posche in Wayne, NJ and at court yesterday morning.

Pics: Splash

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