Meteorologists reported that during the past week (no, they didnt), temperature rose by 30% (no, they didn’t) and that’s all because the sun came closer to the Earth to get a peek at Beyonce’s newly cut hair. Temperatures also rose, because another hole was burned into the ozone layer when all the Bumblebeys of the Beyhive torched their weaves, wigs and lace fronts. Beyonce cutting her hair changed the universe and changed the world!
Well, Beyonce’s short, natural hair lasted about as long as a Kanye queef. While leaving a restaurant with Jay-Z and the chosen one in Miami today, Beyonce worked a butchered, slanted bob that made her look like a bootleg Keri Hilson which is saying a lot since Keri Hilson looks like a bootleg Keri Hilson. That thing on Beyonce’s head looks like it’s growing tails and I really want to see it dance to an Aretha Franklin song with the hillbilly Hagrid on his porch.
And I’m sure one of Beyonce’s hairstylists is going to tell People that this isn’t a weave or a wig. It’s Beyonce’s hair! Her hair naturally grew 3 or 4 inches in a week. It’s Beyonce! Her follicles can do that.