Twitter’s lips puckered something extra last night when Jehovah’s sexiest witness, Prince, went on a semi-tweet-athon and popped his selfie cherry. Who knew that a cell phone’s camera would be the thing that shows Prince in his truest form: a purple grey-ish cloud of vapor that could fuck the oil out of your pores and puts the scent of raspberry lip gloss, dove pussy and Cover Girl Queen foundation in your nostrils. This is what the Smoke Monster would’ve looked like if Lost took place on Unicorn Island in Venus. And I’m trying to figure out if that 666 is some kind of sign.
Vulture says that 3RDEYEGIRL is the Twitter account of Prince’s band by the same name and yesterday he took over the account for now. Prince re-tweeted tweets of worship from his followers and also became an official Twitter whore when he tweeted a picture of his goddamn meal:
But seriously, it’s obvious that one of Prince’s minions tweeted a picture of their meal. Because Prince doesn’t eat food and he sure as hell doesn’t put pepper in his mouth. Prince re-energizes his system by making your loins quiver from the delicate come hither looks he throws.
And since the Internet’s greatest enemy is now tweeting, this means that we have reached the end of the Internet and it’s time to turn around and walk back the way we came from.