Miley Cyrus’ Lizard Tongue Can’t Be, Won’t Be, Will Never Be Tamed

Here’s Miley Cyrus at the Teen Choice Awards looking like a tweaked out chipmunk who’s been possessed by a dark-sided evil demon. If Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks starred as Regan in a remake of The Exorcist, this is what the poster would look like. Give me some holy water, a rosary and a prayer to chant. That tongue looks like a wet thumb trying to escape out of her mouth. Miley needs to sedate that tongue and put it on a leash. When Miley’s tongue comes wiggling out of her mouth, it looks like she’s doing an impersonation of John Travolta when he sees a man hole. I’m sorry to take you there, but blame Miley and her wandering leech tongue.

And why is she so greasy and sweaty? Bitch is too rich to be that greasy. My abuelita wants to grab Miley’s face and squeeze all the grease onto a frying pan so she can make us all some plátanos con crema. Miley’s got an entire jar of under-the-sink kitchen grease on her face. There’s no need for that when Bounty paper towels exist.

And Miley made it a sort-of family affair yesterday by sitting with Billy Ray and Noah.

They look like they’re at a 90s costume party. Miley went as a white Adina Howard, Billy Ray went as a Hootie & the Blowfish roadie and Noah went as an extra in an after-school special about teen runaways.

Pics: Wenn.com, Getty Images