Liam Hemsworth always has a look on his face like he’s the sober designated driver in a room full of drunk,coked-up whores or like he’s the adult chaperone at a junior high school dance. It’s the “I don’t want to be here, but I have to” face. I thought Liam Hemsworth just naturally always looked like he’s feeling the pain one feels when you’re at a children’s birthday party full of hyper brats and you just realized that you’re all out of weed. But UsWeekly says that there’s a good reason for why he made that face at last night’s premiere of Paranoia in Los Angeles. It wasn’t because he didn’t want to be there, it’s because he didn’t want to be with the ratchet chipmunk.
Miley Cyrus went to her fiance’s premiere last night and some witness type said that the chemistry between them was as cold and lifeless as the chemistry between her ass cheeks and the beat when she tries to twerk. The witness says that Liam kissed her a few times, but it was as if he was kissing on a dehydrated piece of jicama. Dude wasn’t feeling it. The source went on to spill out this:
“Miley and Liam acted like they didn’t even know each other the entire night. She was wearing her ring but they acted as if they were strangers. [His kisses] were awkward and he didn’t seem into them.”
I read a lot of opinions from body language experts in UsWeekly, so that obviously makes me a certified BLE. Liam’s got his right hand in his right pocket, they’re doing the most awkward Christian side huge I’ve ever seen and he’s staring at the street ahead contemplating if he should just run into oncoming traffic. That means they totally hate each other and haven’t wet humped on each other in months. Case closed! And Miley even wore a lipstick that made her lips look like the pristine labia of a virgin and he still doesn’t want to kiss her.
But at least Miley sort of tried it by wearing that leather Tetris dress. She didn’t dress like RiRi’s Wednesday matinee standby for once.