Every lace front executive and weave master cashed in their 401k, sold their house, pulled their kids out of private school, traded their BMW in for an old used bike and did the slow wall slide of impending uncertainty last night when their #1 customer Beyonce posted pictures of what I think is her natural hair on Instagram. Everybody lost their minds while every drag queen rolled their eyes at this, because when they simply take their wigs off, nobody furiously emails CNN’s tip line. But seriously, I thought that underneath Beyonce’s mountain of wigs was just a bald head with the security code to Basement Baby’s basement door tattooed on it. Who knew there’s actual hair underneath there. Does this mean that Beyonce won or her weave-snatching fan won?
Or maybe that’s a wig too. Beyonce’s head is probably like one of those Russian nesting dolls. You pull off one wig and there’s another wig underneath it and so and so and so and so on… There’s a never-ending pile of wigs on her head and every time she pulls off a wig, her neck grows just a little bit thicker. The entire wig and weave industry shouldn’t shut down until they find out the real truth. Get on it, MythBusters!
And the worst part of this weavepocalypse is that somewhere Miley Cyrus is saying, “Told y’all bitches!”