Katy Perry said a while ago that she thought her ex-husband Russell Brand was the greasy Jesus of LOLs until she showed up to one of his gigs without him knowing and he made jokes about her. Anybody who gets with or is related to a comedian knows that they’re going to make fun of your ass at one point or another, but this still hurt Katy Perry’s delicate feewings. But Russell still doesn’t give zero fucks (I mean that figuratively, because if you have a vagina and haven’t yet been quarantined due to doing Russell Brand, then he has at least one fuck to give you), because during his act at The Soho Theater in London last Wednesday, he joked that sex with one chick was a struggle for a hardcore slut like him:
“When you’re married, it’s one person. That’s one more than a monk. It’s not that different. ‘I’d be having sex thinking, “think of anyone, anyone else.”‘
No wonder Russell Brand has had flare-ups that lasted longer than his marriage to Katy Perry. Their sex life sounds like it was a mess. There was Russell Brand boning away while thinking of anyone (examples: the Crazy Rhubarb Lady, Teresa Giudice’s twohead, La Pequena Hillary Hulk, John Mayer in Taylor Swift drag, etc…) but his wife. And there was Katy Perry lying there while clenching her ass cheeks and inhaling hard through her asshole, because she refuses to let out a mid-sex fart in front of her future ex-husband. A monogamous marriage between a slut whose peen yawns when it visits the same vagina twice in a row and a pristine lady who refuses to butt burp in front of the man she’s with WAS never going to work.
And here’s Russell leaving The SoHo Theater after making fun of his fuck life with Katy.