Blind Item: I Guess, You Guess

August 3, 2013 / Posted by:

A few days ago, a supposed peen-loving Hollywood leading man, put on a mask and peeked out the closet door when he posted a note on Reddit Confessional about what it’s like being a closeted movie star with a beard girlfriend.

I’m a well known American film actor and I’m a closeted homosexual.

I will not reveal who I’ve worked with or what I’ve starred in obviously, as I don’t want to be identified. I love my career, and I know I would lose my leading man status if I ever came out. I feel terribly guilty about many different things.

First of all, I feel like I’m misleading my fans. I know a lot of women watch my movies to watch me, and part of that is fantasy, and I feel like it’s all based on a lie. They do a lot market analysis in Hollywood. I get told about which demographics I do well with, and I feel like I’m misleading so many people, or letting them down. I am dating another well known personality, and we’ve been publicly together for a while now. I know she expects to get married, the press expect us to get married, but of course this would be a great disservice to her. Truth be told I think she knows. She is a wonderful woman and a wonderful person and I don’t deserve someone as loving and trusting in my life, and I truly do love her, but I’m not in love with her, and sex with her, despite her beauty, is difficult for me.

I also feel terribly guilty because I know there are so many gay kids out there and I feel like by not coming out, and not providing that public display of being gay and being successful I’m letting them down. Public figures like Ellen DeGeneres coming out when I was younger made a huge difference to me, and I feel like I should be paying it forward, but I’m too afraid of my whole life being ruined.

I’ve only told a few people. I’ve been with two men since my career has started. Both have been, thankfully, very discrete. My two best friends from before I became mainstream know, and have been supportive. I’ve told two gay actors who have come out because I trusted they would keep it to themselves, having been in the same position. They were comforting and told me to do what I needed to do, but it didn’t assuage my guilt at all. I tested the water with my agent, who basically told me “Faggots don’t make it in this town,” and then went on to basically explain that he would never represent a gay man because the effort versus the money just makes it not worth it to him. It frankly terrifies me. I just wanted to get it out there.

Dude also said in the comments under his post that his agent won’t let him come somersaulting out of the closet, because his agent is big shit in Hollywood and he needs a big agent for his career to keep climbing up. He thinks his beard might know that he’s thinking about humping a giant peen when he’s humping her, but he doesn’t want to break up with her, because he’s afraid the tabloids will look deeper into his personal life if he does.

So basically, this dude is American, a big movie star and is dating a famous chick. Yeah, this is probably some fanfiction shit written by a crazed Ryan Gosling fan, but I’ve got nothing better to do than guess. I could give my stank-smelling dog a dry bath or take my car to the gas station car wash or scream at Time Warner and those whores at CBS for keeping me away from Ray Donovan, but I’ll throw out guesses for this probably fake blind item instead.

It’s not Ryan Gosling, because he’s Canadian a Google search tells me that his agent is a woman. It’s not George Clooney, because nobody expects him to put a wedding ring on his finger. It’s not Will Smith, Channing Tatum or Ben Affleck, because they’re all married. That leaves Bradley Cooper! Or maybe this is John Travolta writing as his 20-something self?

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