I thought Nick Jonas was the scrawny Jonas who’s built like a premature baby bird and didn’t have the ability to grow actual hair below his neck. But some fucked up shit happened when I wasn’t paying attention to Nick Jonas. Nick Jonas somehow got muscles under his skin and he now has hair on his nipples. Scientists and doctors say that you age about 10 years when you find out that a Jonas Brother can grow hair on his nipples. I mean, Kevin Jonas jacked into a turkey baster and has is having a baby, Joe Jonas was in a fake dildo-filled sex tape that probably doesn’t exist and now Nick Jonas looks like this. What is going on?!
21-year-old Nick Instagrammed this picture of his happy trail and added the note, “I never do this but…” Usually when a ho says, “I never do this,” they mean they do it all the time. They just don’t put it on Instagram on all the time. Nick Jonas’ guest room is totally wallpapered with shirtless pictures of himself. But I can’t hate, because I’d probably do the same thing if I lifted more than a spoonful of cream cheese frosting into my mouth and had at least one muscle on my arm.
My favorite thing is the filter, though. It makes him look like a colored pencil drawing. This is something Papa Joe Simpson would airbrush onto the side of his love van.
Work it, Nick Jonas. Work it like you’re in a Sean Cody test shoot and your first student loan bill was due last week.