The head bridge queens at Scientology can try to shut Leah Remini up by threatening to cover her in cronut batter before siccing Kirstie Alley on her ass, but it’s never ever going to work. Right after we all found out that Leah Remini quit Scientology after spending over 20 years drinking the barley-flavored Kool-Aid, she burped out a vague statement of words and then her sister Nicole pulled up Xenu’s skirt by spilling some of Scientology’s secrets. But Leah wasn’t done there. At the 15th annual DesignCare event in Malibu on Saturday, People asked Leah Remini about her decision to quit the crazy and she said that they can take away her friends and her season tickets to John Travolta’s after-church drag show in the Scientology bathhouse (that’s probably the hardest thing to lose, honestly), but they can’t take away her voice!
“We stand united, my family and I, and I think that says a lot about who we are, and what we’re about. I believe that people should be able to question things. I believe that people should value family, and value friendships, and hold those things sacrosanct. That for me, that’s what I’m about. It wouldn’t matter what it was, simply because no one is going to tell me how I need to think, no one is going to tell me who I can, and cannot, talk to. It doesn’t matter, it could be anything. I thought about the family being broken up for some other cause, and I’m not about to shut up.”
I know it’s hard to believe that Leah Remini is just figuring out now that David Miscarriage will shove an E-meter can down your throat if you even think about asking him where in the desert is the underground pod prison where his wife is being held against her will, but let me remind your ass that they probably implanted a chip into Leah’s brain a long time ago. The chip in Leah’s brain probably broke and her thoughts were released back to her when she stared at John Travolta’s Sharpie hair for way too long and realized that she can’t be a member of a church who condones a grown man wearing a beaver’s shaved ass on his head. It’s that simple.
And I bet Tommy Girl farted out a black cloud of rage when he found out that Leah used the word “sacrosanct.” “Sacrosanct” totally sounds like a Tommy Girl Word™.