Since the Jäger-soaked chunk has melted off of Snooki’s body and turned her into a Greta Gremlin puppet made out of low-quality wax, her beauty disciple, Xtina, has to do the same thing. At the NBC Universal 2013 Summer Press Tour in Beverly Hills on Saturday, Xtina showed hos what a little diet (read: only shoving your face holes with Adderall and coke cut with Garcinia Cambogia) and exercise (read: lipo and Spanx) can do to your body.
Xtina obviously lost the booze bloat, but thankfully she didn’t lose the ability to present herself like the demure dew drop that she is. That weave looks like it’s made of the finest rayon imported from China, that dress’ label obviously says “Deb Shops” on it and those rings look like something my tia would buy from a jooree vendor’s suitcase on a beach in Ensenada, Mexico. Xtina basically looks like an off-brand Barbie sold at The Dollar Tree. In other words, she looks opulent, understated and gorgeous.
And even though her lead-based foundation is eating her hairline, this is still Xtina’s natural look. Usually when Xtina goes outside, the Environment and Natural Resources Division of the Justice Department immediately fine her for dumping toxic substances on her face, but they didn’t do that on Saturday. That’s a first!