Afternoon Crumbs

July 29, 2013 / Posted by:

I know that everything looks like dick foreskin to me, but Cate Blanchett’s dress really does look like a giant piece of cheese-free dick foreskin – Lainey Gossip

Jamie Bell and Evan Rachel Wood are somebody’s parents and I’ll be disappointed if those hipsters didn’t name their kid Thelonius Pabst Iver – People

I wish Nina Dobrev motorboated Mr. Potato Head’s DD eyeballs – Hollywood Tuna

For the record: That is a stunning picture of me, but I am not Jewish, I am not a white supremacist, my name isn’t Alex Hausner and I don’t live in Queens. Everything else is right, though. – Towleroad

Somewhere an E! exec is punching themselves in the taint for not coming up with the Amanda Bynes Cabs It Cross Country reality show РThe Superficial 

Everybody in this picture looks like they were Photoshopped in РThe Berry 

Why running in heels when you’re not Shauna Sand or Carrot Bradshaw is a dangerous idea – Drunken Stepfather

Prince George’s birth was all-natural and I’m guessing that means Duchess Kate beheaded one of her subjects every time she felt pain – Celebitchy

Is Cassie balding on the sides of her head, because there’s no reason for her to still have that Skillrex hair in 2013 – Popoholic

RIP Kid KraddickICYDK

Lindsay Lohan’s going to host Chelsea Lately –¬†Just Jared

The STUNT QUEEN bitch who offered Courtney Stodden $5 million to do a sex tape doesn’t realize that you can easily watch iguanas bone on YouTube for free – Reality Tea

Ageless vampire Keanu Reeves looks hot in a “widowed dad in a Nicholas Sparks’ movie” kind of way – SOW

Speaking of ageless vampires – HuffPo

That show about people trapped under a Tupperware lid got renewed – Videogum

Sharon Osbourne thinks Justin Bieber wants to be black – I’m Not Obsessed

I don’t know what’s more tragic: Foxy Brown running out on a $900 weave bill or somebody charging $900 to make your hair look like a field of mutilated My Little Ponies – Crunk + Disorderly

Miley Cyrus is still OHSOEDGY – Jezebel

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