Bruce Willis doesn’t only look like a cranky dick, he acts like one too. Jamie Edwards from the London radio station Magic 105.4 FM (via Lainey) found this out the other day when he interviewed Bruce Willis and Mary-Louise Parker during a press junket for Red 2. From the moment the interview started to the moment the interview ended, Bruce acted like Jamie Edwards bareback boned his wife while sucking off his daughter’s chin and punching his favorite puppy in the throat. It was one hundred percent awkward from beginning to end.
On one side, there’s a perky Jamie Edwards, trying to block Bruce Willis’ cunt glares with a smile. On the other side, there’s Mary-Louise Parker and Bruce Willis awkwardly sitting there like they’re stoned, confused and just a little bit constipated. If you hit the mute button, it looks like Mary-Louise and Bruce are sitting in a torture room and are being forced to watch a Justin Bieber video. Mary-Louise is trying to wish herself into a cornfield and Bruce Willis is on the verge of drop kicking a trick in the face. Bruce Willis looks like he would rather be licking the sex spot that Ashton made with his side ho on Demi Moore’s couch.
But seriously, I’m being way too hard on Bruce Willis. Being Bruce Willis is hard! Bruce Willis had to travel First Class on a long plane ride to London and then he had to check into a suite in a 5-star luxury hotel. Bruce Willis had to stand in his suite as his groomers polished his head, polished his nuts and dressed him. Then had to walk through his hotel lobby, get into a chauffeured car and play Candy Crush on his iPhone as he was driven to another hotel to sit in a chair in an air conditioned room and spend hours answering easy questions about a movie he was paid millions for. Jamie Edwards is a heartless motherfucker for not soothing Bruce’s pain by massaging his chapped asshole while holding a chilled cup full of POOR YOU under his mouth. Everybody needs to think of Bruce Willis!
And I love Mary-Louise Parker’s face during all of this. She’s giving the same looks I gave after I made the bad decision of eating a pot brownie before getting on the subway.
Here’s Bruce suffering through a photocall today in Munich, Germany.