Afternoon Crumbs

The new clip from Gravity is what I think having sex with Wonky McValtrex is like. A lot of screaming and struggling before you’re sucked into the darkness, never to be heard from again – Lainey Gossip

Aubrey Plaza can stick two hands in her vagina. Backdoor Farrah, you’ve been challenged – The Superficial

If the Silver Fox is the Sheriff of Gay Town, how do I get him to pull me over, handcuff me and search my cavity? – Towleroad

Selena Gomez kept Justin Bieber close to her on her birthday by wearing a pair of his quilted Pampers – Hollywood Tuna

Jimmy Fallon is somebody’s father – The Berry

Okay, Geraldo, you’ve had your fun, it’s time to put on a shirt and panties now – Drunken Stepfather

Young Cybill Shepherd, is that you? – SOW

Why is Rachel Bilson wearing two skirts? – Popoholic

Lifetime’s Flowers in the Attic remake starring Heather Graham and Ellen Burstyn sounds like the kind of disastrous wreck that I can’t wait to watch – Celebitchy

If Kenya Moore is going to make up stories, she should at least be realistic and say that Bravo is paying her in 600,000 Lithium pills – Reality Tea

Cocaine sales plummeted last week because Lady CaCa’s nose was temporarily out of commission after she got her septum pierced – ICYDK

I really wish Leonardo DiCatchAHo was dating Teri Garr instead – Just Jared

How do you say “deeeeeeeeeeerp” in German? – IDLYITW

Prancercise without camel toe is like Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate without Styrofoam marshmallows. It makes me sad. – Videogum

GOOPY in a two-piece – Popsugar

Eva Longoria and her piece are already house hunting and when she buys a place for them, she’ll name it Casa de Eat It George – I’m Not Obsessed

Lil Kim’s nose is getting skinnier and skinnier. I think her cheeks are slowly eating it – Crunk + Disorderly

Katie Holmes is back to shooting that movie where she wears nothing but jorts and laundry bags – Moe Jackson