Jenny Goes Back To The Block…In A Mink Coat

July 10, 2013 / Posted by:

For her cover shoot for W Magazine, JLo went back to her childhood home in the Bronx and I’m sure she brought a dozen bodyguards to body slam any peon who got near her and an assistant to hold a Baccarat crystal oxygen mask over her mouth so she wouldn’t inhale the air of the regulars. She’s still Jenny from the Block after all!

JLo gave W a tour of her neighborhood and told them about how she left the Bronx when she was 18 to become a STAH! JLo said that she skipped college to make her dream of becoming a full-time dancer come true and she did whatever it took including being homeless for a while (bitch was so not homeless). The part that really raised my soul like JLo’s nose when she’s around peasants was this:

She turned away from the house and went to her dressing-room trailer, where she would be transformed into the star she had dreamed of becoming. An hour later, she was swathed in a mink coat and high black patent-leather stilettos, her hair styled in a shoulder-length wave. Lopez walked the street as if it were a runway. She asked an assistant to hold up a full-length mirror so she could watch—and direct—her performance for the camera. Eventually, she posed in front of the house that made her. Two children, who live there now, ran into the yard behind her. Lopez turned and smiled. I was you, she seemed to be saying. And now I’m me.

What kind of moment stolen from Mahogany shit? Lynn Hirschberg, who wrote the piece for W, should really take a lesson in smile reading, because I don’t think that’s what JLo was saying. She was really saying, “You little brats are polluting my aura and you better get the hell out of here before I get my bodyguard to...”

Here’s more pictures from JLo’s Cat on a Hot Mess Roof-themed photo shoot. It pains every pore on my body to type this, but I think she actually looks good here even though she’s the latest trick to scoot all over Elizabeth Taylor’s image. I don’t even mind that her lace front looks like a pile of spaghetti that was overcooked, left out to dry in the sun and then spray-painted brown.

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