Hot Slut Of The Day!

Undercover Bears Instant Oatmeal!

The only way I’ll eat oatmeal today is in cookie form, covered in frosting and deep fried. (That’s not true, I’ll eat oatmeal if you molded some into a condom and wrapped it around Anderson Cooper and I’d also eat it if Shauna Sand blew an air kiss over it.) But when I was a kid, I’d eat oatmeal if you covered it with maple syrup, gave me some fruit-flavored corn syrup gel to squirt on top of it and hid Gummi Bears in it, which brings me to Undercover Bears. Undercover Bears was this weird instant oatmeal from the early 90s that had strawberry-flavored or maple -flavored Gummi Bears hidden in it. The Gummi Bears were covered in oatmeal and you had to sift through that shit to find them. It was not delicious to the eyes. It was a bowl of pasty, clumpy oatmeal. It looked like a wet, overused litter box. But it was delicious to my mouth. The Gummi Bears dissolved in your mouth. I only ate it twice or three times at my friend’s house, but each time it was the highlight of MY LIFE! I loved searching for bears to suck on (“Some things never change.” – you).

Here’s the Undercover Bears commercial (at the 7:25 mark) along with some other hot commercials from the 90s.

Undercover Bears is a really good name for a cereal. It sounds like John Travolta’s Scientology code name.