Tom Cruise Did Cher Good, So Says Cher

Two years before Tommy Girl married Mimi Rogers and took his first steps in becoming one of Scientology’s highest-ranking bridge empresses, he screwed around with Cher for a minute. Tommy was a fetus-faced 23 year old and Cher was 39 years old with the skin of a couple of fetuses stapled to her face. Even though that was ten million faces ago for Cher, she still remembers it and squirts out a little barley syrup when she thinks of all the times the tips of Tommy’s toes rubbed against her inner thighs as he gave it to her missionary style.

On last night’s Watch What Happens Live (via People), Andy Cohen played a little game of Truth or Cher (I CAN’T!) with Cher and asked her who out of all her lovers (including Schonny Bono, David Geffen, Gregg Allman, Val Kilmer, etc….) was the best lover. Cher let that question marinate on her brain for a second before Andy Cohen asked her about Tommy. The boys in the Scientology bathhouse all screamed and snapped for Tommy when Cher said that he was in her top 5.

I really wish Andy Cohen had Cher on his show on Wednesday night and I really wish I would’ve seen it live. Because watching Cher tell Andy Cohen that Tommy Girl was one of her top 5 lovahs while wearing a Beetlejuice suit and sitting in front of Donny & Marie dolls would’ve been the greatest and gayest way to celebrate the fall of DOMA.

And here’s Cher (looking like the Queen of the Damned’s memaw), Andy Cohen and Susanne Bartsch at the opening night of Q Thursday at Marquee in NYC last night.

Pics: Splash