Afternoon Crumbs

The greasy unicorn that is Spaz de la Huerta stepped out in Hollywood last night working her signature bump. Could be coke bloat, could be a baby, could just be her stomach. If we see a coked up unicorn baby flying around in a few months, we’ll know it was the first and second one.  – Lainey Gossip

Judging by the way Val Kilmer looks today, I think a better plot for Heat 2 would be that we find out that his character is a post-op late-in-life lesbian who is boning Natalie Portman – The Superficial

Macklemore’s thoughts on RuPaul telling DOMA to sashay away – Towleroad

Rosie Huntington-Whateverly shows us that smizing is so over and it’s about dead eyez now – Hollywood Tuna

Kate Upton serves up some CURVAS SIMS! (just pretend I know what that means) on Vogue Brasil – Drunken Stepfather

I was wondering why my browser was shaking uncontrollably and now I know it’s because it’s preparing for the 10,000 word haiku that Tammy Lynn Michaels is going to barf out about this – Celebitchy

And now I know that Hayden Panatroll can elbow fuck Wladimir Klitschko in the belly button while standing up – Popoholic

I hope this means that Mean Memaws is next – ICYDK

Every assholian rage toddler needs a babysitter to remind him to not hit women and I guess Karcuchi Tran fills that role for The Difficult Brown – IDLYITW

Glenn Beck, as usual, is not helping  – Videogum

Australian bulge and nalgas alert – OMG Blog

Martha Stewart had a threesome. I think that’s my cue to shut down and take a cold bath – HuffPo

Adele’s raggedy mop tells me that yup, she’s been taking care of a newborn for a while – Just Jared

Seth from The OC is doing Blair from Gossip Girl – Popsugar

Beyonce’s new song sounds like something that was cut from the rave musical inspired by The Jungle Book – I’m Not Obsessed

My guess is….Tan Mom after getting a haircut? – SOW

Pic: PCN