Kanye West Hates Pimp Mama Kris

June 24, 2013 / Posted by:

Kanye West’s interview with W Magazine is filled wet fart after wet fart freshly squeezed out of his over-inflated ego and reading it is like watching him stick his peen into a Fleshlight modeled after his own b-hole. What I’m saying is that it’s like any other Kanye interview.

Kanye brings the laughs from beginning to end. The first laugh came when Kanye told W’s Christopher Bagley that he wrote the song “I Am God” after a fashion designer told him that he could come to their show in Paris but only if he promised not to go to any other shows. Kanye’s leather thong twisted up into his ass over that, because nobody tells Kween Kanye what to do.

“So the next day I went to the studio with Daft Punk, and I wrote ‘I Am a God.’ Cause it’s like, Yo! Nobody can tell me where I can and can’t go. Man, I’m the No. 1 living and breathing rock star. I am Axl Rose; I am Jim Morrison; I am Jimi Hendrix.” West is not smiling as he says this, and his voice is getting louder with each sentence. “You can’t say that you love music and then say that Kanye West can’t come to your show! To even think they could tell me where I could and couldn’t go is just ludicrous. It’s blasphemous—to rock ’n’ roll, and to music.”

It is blasphemous! If Jimi Hendrix was alive today and Kunty Karl told him that he could come to the Chanel show if he promised not to go to any other shows, he’d huff, flip his head scarf and be highly offended.

The next laugh came when Kanye said that he can’t take full responsibility for making Kim Kartrashian look like a ridiculous, overstuffed Armenian sausage in a leather casing. Kanye was merely her fashion guide and the fact that she dresses herself like an asshole means that she really, really loves him.

“Nobody can tell my girl what to do. She just needed to be given some platforms of information to work from. One beautiful thing is that as she discovers it, the world discovers it. For her to take that risk in front of the world, it just shows you how much she loves me. And how much she actually loves the opportunity to learn. You got, like, a million companies saying, ‘This is impacting your brand! This is impacting your fans! And blah blah blah.’ But she still sees this light of beauty.”

But the best part of the interview is Kanye’s awkward scene with Pimp Mama Kris. Christopher was at Kanye’s Paris apartment one night to continue their interview when PMK showed up in a cloud of black smoke. Kanye showed PMK around and then played her one of his new songs:

He plays her some of his unfinished songs, including “Awesome,” which is clearly about Kim. When she exclaims, “Great job!” West doesn’t find it as flattering as Jenner evidently intended. He raises his eyebrows. “Great job?” he says and sets off on a comic riff that cracks up everyone in the room. Toasting with his champagne glass, he says, “Great job, Baccarat, for making a glass that can hold liquid!” He looks down at his waist. “Great job, belt loops, for keeping my pants up!” Jenner laughs off the mockery but soon is ready to leave. Hugging West goodbye, she tells him, “I love you. You know where to find us, at the George V. Call us tomorrow, if you want.” It seems apparent to everyone, including Jenner, that West will not call.

PMK saying “good job” to Kanye is the new Kevin Costner calling Madonna’s show “neat” to her face in Truth or Dare. I love how much Kanye can’t stand the Kardashians. I hope that all of E’s cameras are rolling at Christmas dinner (or “Krismas dinner” as PMK probably calls it) when Kanye scratches at PMK after she tells him that his custom-made leather prairie skirt is “cute.”

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