Every year, I count on the World’s Ugliest Dog pageant in Petaluma, CA to show me the most beautiful and gorgeous ugly dog on this planet and they usually don’t disappoint. Let’s look at the past three winners before we go on:
The ugly beautiful bitches from left to right: 2012’s winner Mugly, 2011’s winner Yoda and 2010’s winner Princess Abby. Every single one of those beautiful ugly creatures look like something found on Amanda Bynes’ head and they’d fit right in at a Cyrus Family reunion. But this year, the judges must’ve decided that the theme is “opposite of ugly,” because the winner is as far away from ugly as Pimp Mama Kris is as far away from being human.
Walle, a 4-year-old beagle, boxer and basset hound mix from Chico, CA, was apparently the huge upset winner at the 25th Annual World’s Ugliest Dog Pageant on Friday afternoon. Walle’s owner entered him in at the very last minute and the judges somehow decided that he looked like he was beat with the ugly stick more than the other 29 contestants.
One of the judges, Brian Sobel, told AP that they chose duck-footed Walle, because the dog “looked like he’s been photo-shopped with pieces from various dogs and maybe a few other animals.” Um, they should probably drug test the judges next year because Brian is obviously on acid. Walle’s owner says she wasn’t surprised that her dog was named the ugliest ugly of all uglies because people always come up to her and say “that dog is not right.” The only time I’d say “that dog is not right” is if he was a contestant in the World’s Ugliest Dog pageant and I’d follow it with the words, “for this pageant. Please ugly him up with the help of Jackie Stallone’s plastic surgeon and try again next year.”
Walle isn’t even unconventionally ugly. He’s not ugly at all. Maybe he’s ugly on the inside and is a real asshole, because he’s not ugly on the outside at all. I demand a recount! I demand a full investigation! I demand to know how Walle bought those judges off! I mean, Amanda Bynes wouldn’t even call Walle ugly and that’s saying everything.