Take All Them Panties Off. The Party Has Arrived.

Some fancy, hoity-toity ass British society wedding went down in England today and all the pinkies when up when Prince Hot Ginge came sashaying through with a twinkle in his eye that said, “Your ovaries: they are exploding, I know. Send me your gyno bill.” And by “pinkies” I mean clits. I mean, a clitoris is pretty much a vagina pinky.

On a real-life episode of Downton Abbey today, Lady Melissa Percy married Thomas van Straubenzee and I can’t believe Maggie Smith wasn’t there to roll her eyes at all of it. That should be a law. Anytime there’s a British society wedding, Maggie Smith SHOULD be there. But anyway, PHG was there and so was his current piece Cressida Bonas (aka THAT SKANK) and his ex-piece Chelsy Davy. Of course Cressida and Chelsy didn’t tear each other’s facesoff while trying to get on PHG’s crotch. Chelsy would never. She’s a true lady. She was probably too busy getting drunk on champagne and giving a quick handy to one of the groomsmen in the bathroom. I still don’t know why PHG stopped humping on Chelsy. She was always my favorite. She looks like she smells like vodka, drugstore foundation, old cigarettes and dried mascara clumps. Who wouldn’t want to inhale that all the time? Chelsy Davy looks like a piece of dried bronzer crust with blond hair. PHG is dim in the brains for letting that go.

Duchess Kate’s vagina royale is weeks away from shooting out the heir to the throne, so she wasn’t there, but Prince William and his bald spot were and so was Pippa Middleton, which isn’t surprising considering that cameras were there. If you ever want to see Pippa in the flesh for some reason, just pull out your camera and she’ll be there. But Pippa did wear this mess on her head:

The hell is that on her head?! It looks like two pigeon skeletons cumming out a pile of coagulated jizz balls. It looks like a silver tarantula foaming at the mouth. I bet the wedding had to be stopped halfway through because a flock of birds broke into the church to save their distressed loved on Pippa’s head. I swear, Pippa always has to make it all about her.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com