Lindsay Lohan Broke Up With Betty Ford Before Betty Ford Could Break Up With Her

June 14, 2013 / Posted by:

Lindsay Lohan checked out of Betty Ford and checked into a rehab facility in Malibu recently, because her Adderall dealer was really sick of driving all the way to Rancho Mirage and he doesn’t even have a Prius, so the gas cost more than what he made on each deal! LiLo’s people claim that moving to Cliffside rehab in Malibu was all part of the plan, because Betty Ford doesn’t really do programs longer than 30 days. But one of Radar’s sources say that the truth is Betty Ford was about to kick her ass out so she quit that bitch before they could quit her.

The source says that while at The Betty Ford Center, LiLo totally behaved out of character. She refused to do anything they said and thought everyone was trying to sell stories about her to the tabloids. Yeah, LiLo was difficult, a mess, bitchy and the rusty, freckled spike shoved deep into everyone’s nipple slits. That doesn’t sound like LiLo at all! The source put it like this:

“Lindsay skipped group therapy, she refused to go for several days. She thought people were giving out information on her. That was her excuse. She was making life hell for those around her every day. Betty Ford is thrilled to see her go.

Lindsay was demanding her Adderall, which she was not given. But she kept demanding it and was highly disruptive.”

A different source (aka White Oprah using a voice changer at a bus station pay phone in Paramus) says that LiLo wanted to leave Betty Ford from the day she checked in, because they said “no” when she told them to get her a vodka on the rocks with an Adderall shake chaser. No, she wanted to leave, because she didn’t feel safe or some bullshit like that. The source says that LiLo complained that being in Betty Ford was “detrimental” to her “safety and sobriety.”

Radar didn’t really explain what LiLo meant by that, but I’m guessing that “safety” and “sobriety” are her pet names for Adderall and coke.

But seriously, I’m with LiLo on this. Screw Betty Ford! How dare they make her go to group therapy and make her do all the things people in rehab do to get sober. How dare they! Move that group therapy, she’s Lindsay Lohan. Besides, what did Betty Ford expect? When you let LiLo walk through your front door, you should immediately say goodbye to your sanity and hair, because you’re going to lose your mind and pull all your hair out while dealing with her ass. I figured that the staff at Betty Ford really wanted to have a nervous breakdown and that’s why they let LiLo in. Because nothing will drive you to insanity like spending full days with LiLo. Betty Ford should’ve known.

I really hope that Lindsay Lohan leaves Betty Ford a bad review on Yelp for this.

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