Hot Slut Of The Day!

I really don’t know who’s the Hottest Slut in this situation? The hot naked dude who brought the hot dog to the picnic, this entire Kraft ad or One Million Moms’ (aka Fifty Crazies Who Really Need To Get Laid Every Which Way) open letter condemning this unholiness to the open lawn in Hell. One Million Moms (aka Four Insane Bitches With Nothing But Time And 999,996 Fake Facebook Accounts) isn’t asking their members to ban all things Kraft because Kraft is promoting unsanitary picnic behavior (I mean, I love dick hairs in my bruschetta, but some prudish whores might not). They’re clutching their anal beads because Kraft is using hot dick to sell salad dressing. Their letter is comedy at its finest and I pictured Mink Stole’s character from A Dirty Shame writing it:

Last week’s issue of People Magazine had the most disgusting ad on the inside front cover that we have ever seen Kraft produce. A full 2-page ad features a n*ked man lying on a picnic blanket with only a small portion of the blanket barely covering his g*nitals. It is easy to see what the ad is really selling. A person has to look closely to see the item the company is marketing because the salad dressing bottle is so small next to the male model, picnic basket and other food items. There is also a small Kraft logo in the upper corners with the words “Silverware Optional – Let’s Get Zesty.” The website getmezesty.com is listed in the bottom corner.

Kraft has gone too far and will push away loyal, conservative customers with this new ad campaign. Christians will not be able to buy Kraft dressings or any of their products until they clean up their advertising. The consumers they are attempting to attract – women and mothers – are the very ones they are driving away. Who will want Kraft products in their fridge or pantry if this vulgarity is what they represent?

One Million Moms cannot get over the gall of this company. It is unnecessary for Kraft to use s*x to sell salad dressing! (An asterisk is used to ensure our emails get through to those who have signed up to receive our alerts. Otherwise, referencing specific words would cause our emails to be blocked by some Internet filters.)

They have a point, though. That bottle of salad dressing is all the way at the top. Kraft IS selling salad dressing here, so what they should do is pull that picnic blanket off of his n*ked body and shove his g*nitals into the bottle (with the label facing the camera, of course). Or better yet, they should just sell g*nital-flavored salad dressing and send One Million Moms 10% of the profits for giving them that tip.

And I just figured out who the Hottest Slut in this post is. It’s the asterisk!

via Buzzfeed