Charlie Sheen Is Still A Messy Master Of Words

June 14, 2013 / Posted by:

Charlie Sheen loves whores and Farrah Abraham loves publicity any way she can get it, so naturally the two were drawn to each other like a moth to a flame that’s really butt sex. Charlie and Backdoor Farrah met at some event and she immediately started texting him afterward to meet up for a play date (translation: ass sex in the pool while the nanny takes the kids to the park), coffee (translation: coffee enemas… and then ass sex) or whatever (translation: ass sex, lots of ass sex). Like I said two seconds ago, Farrah loves publicity, so she gave those texts to TMZ, because a porno camouflaged as a sex tape isn’t going to sell itself. Charlie didn’t like Farrah leaking his texts to the media and when Charlie gets mad, Charlie gets hilarious. Charlie dragged and dragged Farrah in a letter, which I’m guessing either she or Charlie leaked to TMZ. I thought I’d never type this after seeing Backdoor Farrah squirt in her porno (I can never look at tuna water in a can the same way again), but I am so glad she leaked this if she did, because this is a coke booger covered in gold. Take it away, Charlie.

hey, you desperate guzzler of stagnant douche agua;

I truly do not recall giving you permission to globally reveal any communication between us. congrats on surviving your lobotomy and an even bigger congratz on the recent attempt at porn.

your daughter must be so proud.

please send my number to middle earth and if allowed, eagerly follow it into said abyss and slam the door behind you. the world will collectively sigh as the pungent memory of you vanishes into the pedestrian troposphere of lame-suck and zero-life.

oh and I’m sure they’ll wave the cover charge when they see your tranny-boobs and five o’clock shadow.

bye!
cs.

So poetic. So beautiful. It’s something William Blake would’ve written if William Blake smoked so much crack that it ate most of his brains away. Charlie should not only put out a book of poems called “Pedestrian Troposphere of Lame-Suck” but he should also sell a perfume called “Stagnant Douche Agua.”

I guess Farrah is a certified porn star now that she’s been nailed by Charlie Sheen. Charlie tore her a new one and now her backdoor has been upgraded to French doors. But even after all that, you know Charlie still would.

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