Publicist Jonathan Jaxson claims that he’s one of Amanda Bynes‘ friends and he also says that he’s the one who screamed for 911 on the night that she and her cry-for-help-wig were taken to jail after she threw a perfectly good bong out of her apartment window. (Everybody else says that a doorman is actually the one who screamed for 911 when Amanda lit up a joint of the good shit in the lobby.) At one point, Jonathan and fellow Captain-Save-A-Ho Jenny McCarthy were yelling at everybody to get Amanda Bynes the help that she needs. Well, Jonathan has completely gone from trying to get Amanda into a 5150 situation to shaking his head at her manufactured breakdown. Because Jonathan, who is out there peddling a book FYI, claimed on Twitter that she admitted to him through text messages that she’s Joaquin Phoenix-ing us all and is only acting crazy for attention. Jonathan posted this screen shot of Amanda supposedly letting him in on her SCHEMES.
Yes, you should feel sore down there, because all of our dicks were being pulled while reading that. I could easily list my friend’s phone number on my iPhone as “Prince Hot Ginge” and then I could use my friend’s phone to write text messages to myself that say, “Oh, Michael, how I wish I was there to burn another hole into your butt with my extra large Hot Tamale. Cheerio!” and so and so on. Not that I do that (yes, I do), but I could! There’s even software online that fakes text conversations.
So that mess is probably fake, but if it isn’t, then Amanda is really on the opposite of sane. Getting arrested just so you can get the cover of InTouch is CRAZY (and something Pimp Mama Kris wishes she would’ve thought about earlier)! Calling Miley Cyrus “pretty” on Twitter is CRAZY! And nobody with an ounce of sanity in their brain would ever put a wig made of the shed ass hairs of a dog on top of their head, even if it is for attention. Amanda’s wigs really do say it all.
But the most disturbing and insane thing is that Jonathan lets his iPhone battery get to 16%! I start to shake and fear for my immediate future when my iPhone drops below 20%. So letting your iPhone battery seep into the red is just an act of pure insanity.