Good News For Gold Diggers! That Hot Piece Rupert Murdoch Is Single!

Now is the time to use your entire life savings to buy stock in Pfizer (don’t do this), because billionaire Rupert Murdoch is filling his pool with Viagra pills now that he’s single. While Rupert celebrates being single by getting his balls ironed, gold diggers of the world should practice giving him a beej by deep throating a dehydrated celery stalk that’s been left out in the sun for a few weeks. Now is your time to shine, gold diggers!

Deadline says that the 82-year-old CEO of News Corp and the future star of DETV’s (Death Eaters TV) version of The Bachelor filed for divorce from his wife of almost 14 years, 44-year-old Wendi Deng Murdoch. Rupert and Wendi’s 14th wedding anniversary is in a couple of weeks and this is the perfect anniversary gift to her! The gift of FREEDOM and a possible multi-million dollar divorce settlement! (Although, I hear that Wendi is a mega bitch to the core and is about as pleasant as doing yourself in the urethra with a tiny dildo, so maybe this is Rupert’s anniversary gift to himself.)

NY Mag says that for the past few months, Rupert and his third wife Wendi have been living totally separate lives. Wendi takes care of their two girls and Rupert is out there trying to destroy Dr. Who.

It’s a damn shame that Larry King and Hugh Hefner are married. If they weren’t, they could team up with Rupert and become the new and improved Pussy Posse. The other Pussy Posse would worship at their hooves as a harem of gold diggers spoon fed them pureed lettuce in the club.

And I hope that Rupert puts a bonus in Wendi’s settlement for doing this:

That is above and beyond the call of gold digger duty right there.