John Malkovich Shows Ryan Gosling That He Isn’t The Only One Who Can Save Lives

Everyone’s favorite celebrity life saver Ryan Gosling must’ve had last week off, because it was John Malkovich who kept a dude from walking toward Jesus on Thursday. CBC News (via THR) says that John was just wearing the hell out of a scarf and smoking a cigarette outside of the King Edward Hotel in Toronto on Thursday night when a 77-year-old man from Ohio tripped and fell. As he fell, some scaffolding slashed his throat and he started bleeding on the ground. John ran to the man and used his scarf to stop the bleeding. John Malkovich doesn’t only wear that scarf because he never knows when he’ll want to tie you up and give it to you nasty. He also wears that scarf because he never knows when he’s going to need to stop an old man from bleeding to death.

The man Jim Walpole said that John and Toronto restaurateur Ben Quinn put pressure on the cut until the ambulance arrived. Jim asked John Malkovich what his name was and he just said, “John.” Jim was worried about being taken to a county hospital (HA! AMERICAN!) and John comforted him by saying that they have a really good health care system in Canada. After the ambulance arrived, Jim and his wife said goodbye to his knight in a scarf. Ben Quinn said that afterward, John thanked him for helping.

“Malkovich turned and thanked me. I thanked him. We couldn’t shake hands, I was covered in blood. He was just off, didn’t want any attention.”

John is currently in Toronto to play Casanova in the chamber opera play The Giacomo Variations. Jim and his wife said that they didn’t really know who John was before Thursday night, but now that they do, they plan on seeing every single one of his movies.

John didn’t only stop Jim’s cut from bleeding. He did so much more than that. When John Malkovich stares at you, you don’t know whether he wants to lift up your skirt and make violent love to you on top of a pile of hay in the farm behind his French chateau or if he wants to slowly destroy you with his bare hands. That kind of excitement gave Jim Walpole a will to survive!

And if Jim really is going to watch all of John’s movies, he should go ahead and skip Mary Reilly. He’s been through enough pain.