June 8, 2013 / Posted by:

After a long hard day and night of playing Norma Desmond in a community theater production of Sunset Boulevard, Beyonce didn’t bother taking her costume off when she got into the hot tub with the second coming of Jesus, Blue Ivy Carter. Let’s all scream together, “DEEP FRIED BABY ALERT!” This reminds me….

One time my boyfriend-at-the-moment and I were hanging out in the hot tub of a DoubleTree in Orlando and a chick with a baby, who couldn’t have been more than 2 years old, was in there with us. After a little while, another mom type got into the hot tub and it didn’t take her long to say in a passive-aggressive adorable voice, “Awww, that wittle baby is boiling up.” The boxing bell rang and popcorn in a waterproof tub dropped from the sky in front of us, because the hot tub showdown was about to begin. The mom with the baby pretended she didn’t hear anything and so the other mom shot another round when she asked, “Isn’t your baby uncomfortable in here?” The mom with the baby punched back with, “It’s not even that hot in here.” (Honestly, it was kind of that hot in there. My eyelashes were started to sweat, but I didn’t say anything. I was merely an audience member and not a player. I was not about to break the fourth wall.) Their fight was kind of like a symphony. It started out slow and then it swelled into them yelling at each other.

The mom with the baby kept screaming “Mind your business! Mind your business!” and the other mom screamed, “Read the sign! No children under 12 allowed. It’s not just there for decoration!” We finally got out of the hot tub when the baby started crying and my boyfriend whispered in my ear, “I’m afraid that baby’s going to shit.” Nothing will make you shoot out of a hot tub like the words, “That baby is going to shit!

Anyway, so here’s a picture Beyonce posted on her Tumblr of her and BIC in a hot tub while on vacation. I’m sure BIC is fine. That’s not hot water. It’s lukewarm champagne mixed with the room temp tears of Michelle Williams. Besides, I’m sure Blue Ivy Carter was only in there long enough for Beyonce to get a totally casual photo of her and BIC being all casual and stuff.

And here’s a few more pictures of Beyonce airing out her vacation weave.

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