Phoebe Price, Call Lifetime Immediately

June 7, 2013 / Posted by:

Remember when some crazy ho sent ricin-laced letters to Obama, Mayor Bloomberg and the director of Mayors Against Illegal Guns? The FBI found out that an actress from Texas who had tiny roles in The Walking Dead (she played a zombie, duh) and The Vampire Diaries is the one who did it and she was arrested in Arkansas today. NBC News says that Shannon Guess originally pointed the finger at her husband and said he was the one who did it, but after the FBI got down to the bottom of EVERYTHING, they found out the truth.

35-year-old Shannon loves her guns and didn’t like Mayor Bloomberg’s stance on gun control, so she threw up the crazy in a letter and laced it with ricin. Shannon allegedly wrote:

“You will have to kill me and my family before you get my guns. Anyone who wants to come to my house will get shot in the face. The right to bear arms is my constitutional God given right and I will exercise that right till the day I die.”

Shannon could get 10 years in the chokey if she’s convicted.

The only reason I’m writing about this is because when I first laid my eyes on Shannon Guess’ picture, the essence of Phoebe Price (smells like charred saffron, the Styrofoam container that chicken cutlets come in and the Barbizon waiting room) wafted up into my nostrils. When Lifetime inevitably makes a movie about this (called Ricin Against Time), there’s only one international supermodel who can play Shannon. Since Phoebe Price is so fresh and youthful that she looks like it was only yesterday when she was a chick trapped in an egg, she’ll have to use plenty or prosthetics to look 35, but she’ll totally nail it.

Here’s the future Emmy winner posing in the middle of the street last month.

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