Here’s the freshest dandelion plucked from heaven’s finest garden twerking and grinding with some go-go dancers during an L.A. Pride event at The Abbey in West Hollywood last night. You can practically smell all of the panty pudding in the room from here.
Richard Simmons didn’t want to make dozens of people bust into a crotch seizure at the sight of him in satin shorty shorts and control top pantyhose, so instead he decided to dress like a Florida cigar dealer circa 1981. But Richard didn’t let his pleated trousers keep him from bumping crotches with the ladies. They probably all got pregnant. We can assume that in about 9 months, each one of those go-go dancers will give birth to a human dandelion who pisses glitter.
And on a different note, why the hell is nobody throwing cash at Richard? He should have hundred dollars bills, car keys, blank checks, drink tickets and deeds to houses shoved in his waistband.