In news that’s making pure jealousy ooze out of Lance Bass’ pores, Sir Richard Branson is shooting everyone’s favorite rage toddler Justin Bieber and his manager Scooter Braun up into space. We can all cheer and scream, “STAY THERE,” but we won’t be laughing and cheering when the aliens revenge attack us for infecting the nebula with dumbassery.
Sir Richard tweeted his excitement
about taking money from a baby about Justin Bieber and Scooter Braun (by the way, that’s a grown man’s name and not the name of a Nickelodeon cartoon character) booking seats on Virgin Galactic, which may start going into space as early as this year. Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Victoria Principal (she can FINALLY share the Principal Secret with aliens) and AssStain Kutcher have also booked themselves a flight to space. If you want to go to space, you’ll have to cut in front of a lady to buy a Powerball ticket because a spot on a Virgin Galactic flight requires a $250,000 deposit.
I see what Sir Richard is doing. Dude is shoveling billions of dollars into this mess of a project and he’s only doing it to rid the world of Justin Bieber and Ashton Kutcher. A Nobel Peace Prize is coming his way. Now where’s the Kickstarter to: a) buy seats for Chris Brown and all of the Kardashians on that flight and; b) get the pilot to redirect the rocket straight into the sun.