Michael Douglas Is Taking Back The Oral Sex Stuff

June 4, 2013 / Posted by:

Catherine Zeta-Jones’ precious oyster and Diandra Douglas’ vagina both threw a menacing squint at Michael Douglas when he said that he got throat cancer from munching on a killer box. Diandra Douglas even told TMZ that he didn’t get it from her, because she’s HPV free.

Because nearly every coochie in the world is giving MD the silent treatment, he finally got his rep to issue a statement to People saying that licking cooch wasn’t the cause of his cancer.

“Michael Douglas did not say cunnilingus was the cause of his cancer. It was discussed that oral sex is a suspected cause of certain oral cancers as doctors in the article point out, but he did not say it was the specific cause of his personal cancer.”

MD then issued his own statement in his own words where he made jokes to try to make us all think that his words were twisted (the same way he twists his tongue when performing oral, that’s his signature trick).

“In the last 24 hours I have become the poster boy for oral cancer. And just so we all understand, I think we would all love to know where our cancer comes from. I simply told a reporter … a virus that can cause oral cancers, and is one of the few areas of cancers that can be controlled, and there are vaccinations that kids can get. So that was my attempt.”

The Guardian shot back at MD by releasing audio of him clearly saying that his throat cancer was caused by cunnilingus. I believe MD even though he clearly said it. He meant that you can get cancer from cooch eating, but he didn’t get it from cooch eating. MD got it from tongue boning random man ass in the backroom of an adult video store while doing extensive research to play Liberace. Get it right, media, and stop pitting every vagina against Michael Douglas!

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