On last night’s episode of the Illuminati propaganda series Keeping up with the Kardashians, Kim Kartrashian gets an ultrasound to learn the sex of the Kimye fetus while Kanye West was on the other side of the world caring about more important things like which Rick Owens tunic he should wear with his Givenchy leather chaps.
While Pimp Mama Kris, Khlozilla and the slow one watched, the doctor screamed out, “It’s a boy! I see a peen! Oh wait, no, that’s just its devil horns. No really, it’s a boy! I really see a peen this time! Oh wait, no, it’s just flipping us off.” PMK asked the doctor if he saw a “pee pee” (Side note: Hearing PMK say the word “pee pee” is the reason why the floor below me is covered in barf.) and when he said he did not, Kim said, “It definitely would take after his father so you would see it.” And then Kim went on to say, “Not that I’ve ever seen it, but Riccardo Tisci told me it looks like a baby’s!”
After the doctor told Kim that she’s having a girl, she said some stuff about how girls are the best and Kanye wanted a girl. If you listen closely, you can hear the rattling of PMK’s crotch muscles as she tries her hardest to keep the geyser of liquid excitement from squirting out of her after hearing the news that she has a new generation of girls to whore out on the ho stroll.
So that’s that, Kim and Kanye are having a girl and if God is real, Krisonda Yeezus West Kardashian will be a butch lesbian anarchist who will rally against the one percent and rise up against superficiality by burning down Botox factories.
And here’s some pictures from Kim’s baby shower on Saturday. This mess looks less like a baby shower and more like a reunion of shitty E! reality hos. In order: PMK, a raggedy Muppet urchin, Tracy Anderson, Maria Menounos, Carole Bayer Sager (aka the only real beauty there), NeNe (wearing some crap that used to be the skirt around a circus elephant’s platform), Kelly Osbourne, Scary Spice, Kanye, Khlozilla, Kimbo Stewart and The Gastineau Ghouls.