Lindsay Lohan Is Uniting Her Family With An Anchor Necklace

I couldn’t find a recent or semi-recent picture of the Lohan family (including MiLo), but just like Michael Lohan, Terry Richardson has a gift for making people want to pull out their contacts, dip them in bleach and put them back in their eyes, so I figured this picture would work.

Here’s something to warm the mound of burnt charcoal in your chest on this last Thursday of May (no, it won’t). Lindsay Lohan is doing so well in rehab and being newly sober has made her want to bring her fucked up family together by doing cheesy shit. TMZ reports that Michael Lohan and White Oprah still hate each other and LiLo’s counselors at Betty Ford are worried that it will affect her chances of staying sober. So LiLo has decided to unite her family by getting all of them an anchor necklace, because you know, her family are all “anchors” in her life. While visiting with Michael Lohan at Betty Ford this weekend, LiLo told him about her plan and he was so moved that he bought the necklaces himself, shipped them to her and then told TMZ all about it. Like all good fathers do!

LiLo will give White Oprah, Ali, Cody and Michael Lohan Jr. their own anchor necklace when they visit her.

The anchor is actually a fitting symbol for the Lohan family. If you get too close to some anchors, their chains will wrap around your ankle and they’ll drag you down to bottom of the ocean with them.

I’m sure that once White Oprah gets her anchor necklace, she’ll be so overcome with raw emotion that she’ll have to run out to get some air. And by that I mean she’ll run to the nearest pawn shop to sell that shit for vodka money.