What Could’ve Been….

May 29, 2013 / Posted by:

A couple of months ago, there was a blind item about a gayelle movie actress and a gay mostly-TV actor who were going to start double bearding for each other and most hos guessed that it was about Ellen Page and ASkars. It took 6 firefighters, 1 crane, 1 low-flying helicopter, 10 gallons of salt water, 12 taser guns and a pack of wild pit bulls to pull me off of my chair, because my b-hole puckered so much that I got stuck to my seat after thinking about the possibility of ASkars being a full-time gay.

But then this annoying thing called “common sense” took over and I realized that ASkars probably doesn’t have a natural craving for peen. Then I wondered what kind of publicist thinks Ellen Page and ASkars make a believable couple? Yes, they’re more believable as a heterosexual couple than Michele and Marcus Bachmann are, but so is a pink unicorn and a flannel-wearing beaver. Just look at these pictures of them “canoodling” at the premiere of their new movie The East in L.A. last night.

She looks like she’s tugging at her daddy’s jacket, because she wants him to buy her a Pink Panther ice pop from that ice cream truck over there and he’s looking at her and thinking to myself, “I’ve ejaculated things that are bigger than you.”

They so wouldn’t work as a believable couple. ASkars and that hot bitch Patricia Clarkson on the other hand….

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