We can all stop wandering aimlessly around the land while wondering to ourselves what has become of this world if Leonardo DiCatchAHo can longer catch a ho, because he must’ve just been having an off day when Cara Delevingne turned his ass down repeatedly. Leo’s still got it. Leo can still get an Angel at his front door just by calling up Victoria’s Secret and saying, “Yeah, send me your latest.“
The NYDN says that for the past week or so, Leo has been seen all over Cannes with a German model whose hair turns green in a chlorinated pool, was 5 when Titanic came out and has worn VS angel wings on a catwalk at least once. Tall, skinny, blonde and barely legal…. That’s the Leo we know! Some source says that Leo and 20-year-old Toni Garrn have only been dating for a week, but “there is definitely chemistry there.”
Chemistry, uh huh. I’m sure Toni Garrn (or as Leo calls her “Gis.. I mean, Bar… I mean, Erin… I mean catalog item # 98787891“) is a nice, sweet girl and everything, but if I dyed one of my ingrown pubic hairs blond, put Angel wings on it and got it into the Victoria’s Secret catalog, Leo would find a way to have “chemistry” with it.
And because I have the crusty
Mondays Tuesdays in my eyes, I read the name “Toni Garrn” as “Teri Garr” and for a second there I was happy, because I was thinking about Leo 69ing with Sandy from Tootsie.
Here’s Leo with Cameron Diaz and Prince Albert at some Tag Heuer party in Monaco the other night. As the days go by, Leo’s looking more and more like Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.