The triangle that is almost more life-sucking and soul-destroying than the Bermuda Triangle was brought back to life last week when Brad Pitt once again told Esquire that ten years ago he was nothing but a haggard puddle of greasy laziness and dirty bong water (translation: Being with Jennifer Aniston sucked the life out of him). Well, in that same Esquire article, Brad’s make-up artist of over 20 years Jean Black says that yeah, Brad Pitt suddenly came to life and started living when he dipped his peen into St. Angie’s fountain of life pussy, but that doesn’t mean he hated being with Aniston.
“I think Brad was ready to soar when he met Angie. This is not to say anything negative about Jennifer. I was part of that and I know that he and Jennifer are very good friends and he cared deeply for her. But in Angie, he saw a very adventurous person who was grabbing on to life and taking it to its nth degree. It was intriguing because I felt Brad had that in him and wanted to unleash it.”
Brad is totally one of those whores who pretty much morphs into who ever he’s doing. I knew this girl who would become the perfect girlfriend to the dude she was dating. She dated some dude who was all into Nascar and heavy metal and going “to the lake” (that’s what we do in CA, we go to the lake) and so she was suddenly into that shit. This bitch normally listened to boy band and pop shit and suddenly she’s getting into Slayer. Then when she dumped that dude, she dated a vegetarian type and became vegetarian. I guess the dick was so good it gave her a personality disorder.
So when Brad was with Jen, he was smoking pot and slurping on tequila worms. Now that he’s with St. Angie, he’s saving the world and collecting points toward getting sainthood. If he starts dating Amanda Bynes, he’ll throw bongs out of windows, dance on the elliptical like there’s no tomorrow and buy cast-off wigs at the Nicki Minaj stoop sale.
And yes, it’s been five hundred million years and we’re still talking about this. We’re going to talk about this forever and ever and ever. When we’re all on our death beds, the last thing we’ll say before taking our final breath will be, “But did Brad ever TRULY love Jen?”