A Rare Flower Blooms At LAX

May 22, 2013 / Posted by:

Here’s Listverse’s definition of the elusive and rare Ghost orchid:

The Ghost orchid is a fascinating rare plant that was presumed extinct for almost 20 years, only recently did it rear its head again. The plant is so rare because it is basically impossible to propagate. It has no leaves, does not depend on photosynthesis and does not manufacture its own food. Like the Lady slipper, it needs a specific fungus in close contact with its root system, which feeds it. The Ghost orchid never grows leaves, and will therefore always depend on the fungus for its nourishment. The Ghost orchid can live underground for years, without showing any external signs and will only bloom when all conditions are optimum. This explains why some orchid enthusiasts search for years and years just to have a glimpse of this elusive flower.

If you replaced the name “Ghost orchid” with Spaz de la Huerta, that whole definition would still make so much sense and be one hundred percent truthful.

It feels like it’s been more than 20 years since we’ve been blessed by the presence of the Crisco-dipped orchid that is Paz de la Huerta and she quenched the thirst of her admirers (aka just me) by gliding through LAX yesterday. Ever since those dumb bitches at Boardwalk Empire made the worst decision of their lives by firing Spaz, because her beauty and raw talent took the focus away from actors who are lesser than her, she’s been busy filling her time with other things. I don’t know exactly what those other things are, but she’s been really busy filling her time with them.

I can spend my time wondering what that burn on her chin is (theories: Chemical peel gone wrong? She learned the hard way that giving Heat Miser a rim job is a dangerous task? The sun not only wanted to kiss her chin, it wanted to make out with it?), but instead I’m going to thank the gods for giving us a Spaz sighting. Never leave my eyes again, Spaz!

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