Shia LaDouche’s Peen Will Not Make An Appearance In Nymphomaniac

May 21, 2013 / Posted by:

When Shia LaDouche signed up for Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomanic, he said that the scenes were going to be so graphic that you’d be able to see the fleas from his ass hairs jump up and down as he had missionary-style sex with his co-star. Shia insinuated that he was making fancy art house porn, but then Lars Von Trier later said that he was planning to use body doubles and special effects to make it look like the actors (including Shia, Charlotte Gainsburg, Uma Thurman, Willem Dafoe, Jamie Bell, Stellan Skarsgård, Connie Nielsen and Christian Slater) had actual sex with each other.

Well, The Hollywood Reporter says that Lars is CGI’ing the dicks and chochas of body doubles onto the actors. Lars shot the actors having fake movie sex and also shot the body doubles having real sex. He’s going to cut and paste the bottom part of the body doubles onto the bottom part of the actors. The movie’s producer explained it like this:

“We shot the actors pretending to have sex and then had the body doubles, who really did have sex, and in post we will digital-impose the two. So above the waist it will be the star and the below the waist it will be the doubles.”

Nymphomaniac was supposed to make its debut at Cannes, but because of all the work it takes to copy and paste a body double’s dick onto Shia’s crotch, they didn’t make the deadline. It will premiere on Christmas Day (Merry Christmas!) in Copenhagen.

I totally understand why Lars didn’t let Shia have actual sex. If he did, the entire movie would’ve been shut down by the health department. Since Lars is a slave to the details, I’m sure he hired exact body doubles of the actors. So I’m guessing that Shia’s body double is a mouse. I mean, we’ve all seen it in that Sigur Rós video.

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