Kristen Stewart Is Crying Tears Of Loneliness Onto Taylor Swift’s Unicorn Shirt

May 21, 2013 / Posted by:

….and then Kristen Stewart lifted her tear-stained face, looked at the unicorn on Taylor Swift’s
 shirt and screamed, “Those used to dance in his magical forest hair!” ….And then Kristen Stewart wiped away her tears, stared at her hand and screamed, “I didn’t know I had the ability to make these.”

UsWeekly’s fanfiction department reports that yesterday afternoon, Kristen Stewart and a friend drove to Taylor Swift’s house in Beverly Hills after visiting another friend’s house. A source says that KStew and her friend spent all day there before driving back to her house.

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!

Well, it probably means that Taylor Swift ran out of famous (or famous-ish) white dudes to date and write songs about, so now she’s writing about other people’s break-ups instead. She already got a few songs out of Selena Gomez and now she’s moving on to Kristen Stewart’s latest break-up. (WARNING: Taylor Swift’s next album will have a Twatlight theme.) This also means that the unicorn and rainbows wallpaper in Taylor’s Lisa Frank-themed parlor slid off the walls, because that much insufferableness in one room could melt hardened glue.

Or maybe Taylor just wanted to mend KStew’s broken heart with a little, good old-fashioned scissoring.

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