If you’re still hungover and didn’t read the headline, you’re probably wondering why I posted a picture from 2004 of Portia De Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres. These two peroxide-haired beauties aren’t Portia and Ellen. It’s Nicole Kidman and Sun-In’s most loyal customer Keith Urban kissing and loving on each other at the Cannes screening of Inside Llewyn Davis over this weekend.
I had to check to see if there’s been any recent break-up rumors about these two, because why else would they canoodle on each other like two 15-year-olds whose parents just dropped them off at the school dance. Nicole and Keith’s STUNT QUEEN PDA show for the photographers is cute and everything, but I want to scream at them the same thing I wanted to scream at the couple in Olive Garden who sat on the same side of the booth and kissed on each other throughout my entire meal, “You’re loved-up grossness is putting me off of these delicious breadsticks.“
And if I squint my eyes, Nicole sort of looks like an albino predator who’s trying to swallow an angora ferret whole.