Who cares if the name “Elena Lenina” makes your mind go blank the same way White Oprah’s does when she tries to think of the name of the youngest Lohan kid. The only thing you need to know about Russian TV personality type Elena Lenina is that she brought the glamour to the Cannes Film Festival premiere of Jimmy P., Psychotherapy of a Plains Indian when she sashayed onto the red carpet with a giant butt plug of hair on top her head. Elena looks like a Martian Girl from Xenu’s home planet. If this is Elena’s way of trying to become the next Mrs. Tommy Girl, it’s totally going to work. The quickest way to Tommy’s heart is through his butt.
I am jealous of the lucky ho who got to sit behind Elena Lenina during the movie. Staring at a blond butt plug is totally better than watching some movie. Backdoor Farrah just put out the welcome mat in front of her backdoor for Elena. Just bring your butt plug hair, Elena. Farrah’s already got the lube.
And here’s some others at tonight’s premiere who obviously didn’t get the memo that the theme of the night was “sex toy hair.” In order after Elena: Jennifer Lawrence, Liam Hemsworth, Cheryl Cole, Jane Fonda, Eva Longoria, Bai Ling and the all-natural Queen of Cannes Chicken Cutlets.