Brad Pitt Gives His Own Statement About Angie Jolie’s Double Mastectomy

Just a few hours after St. Angie Jo’s op-ed piece for The New York Times filled up everybody’s Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr and life feeds, Brad Pitt released his own statement to The London Evening Standard.

As Chelsea Handler’s forehead vein explodes while she tries to figure out what in the fuck she’s going to say about this, Brad Pitt released this statement of words. It’s best if you read it in his Chanel No. 5 voice, especially the “absolutely heroic” part.

“Having witnessed this decision firsthand, I find Angie’s choice, as well as so many others like her, absolutely heroic. I thank our medical team for their care and focus. All I want for is for her to have a long and healthy life, with myself and our children. This is a happy day for our family.”

But isn’t almost every day a happy day for Brad Pitt? He has millions of dollars, a cellar full of the finest good shit, locks full of grease that can double as peen lube, is always in the presence of Zahara’s signature up-eye and he’s usually stoned to infinity and beyond. So it’s an EXTRA happy day.