Beyonce Is Too Exhausted And Dehydrated To Perform Tonight

May 14, 2013 / Posted by:

The Bumblebeys (yes, I get pus-filled hives on my fingers every time I type that) of Antwerp, Belgium won’t be able to see their Queen of the Beyhive (there comes those hives again) make overexcited dog faces (see: the face above) in concert, because she has canceled tonight’s show and she might cancel tomorrow night’s show too. According to UsWeekly, Beyonce’s spokeswhore tells the AP that she’s come down with a serious case of the tireds and a serious case of the thirsties. Beyonce just needs to put on her restin’ wig and have a seat. (Yes, some of you have been telling her to have a seat for years and she’s finally answering your prayers.)

Beyonce is one month into her Mrs. Carter Show world tour and she has three more months to go. Beyonce’s rep says that doctors ordered her to lie down on a pile of freshly plucked swan feathers as her minions bring her hand-carved ice balls on a gold platter. I’m really supposed to beylieve that Beyonce’s doctors ordered her to rest? Beyonce probably went up to her doctors and said, “Hi, I’m Beyonce, write me a sick note now. I’m waiting, whore.”

Beyonce’s rep also said that Beyonce’s doctors will decide soon if she’s going to perform tomorrow night.

Usually when celebwhores use the “exhaustion” excuse, it means they’re cracked out on crack or they don’t want to tell people the real reason for why they’re canceling shit. So of course this is just giving more life to the rumor that she’s expecting another chosen one. If that’s the case, then I totally believe that Beyonce is tired and dehydrated. Because walking around with a pillow strapped to your belly is really tiring and just thinking about it makes me thirsty for a cold pop.

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